A dear friend of mine has been fostering children for many years & continues to do so even after adopting two boys.
here are her thoughts about fostering. A thought-provoking read.
“I couldn’t do it, don’t you find it hard when they leave?”
As a foster carer, I get asked this question alot and I can say for definite ‘yes, it hurts so much.’
But even though you know you’re going to go through heartbreak, that child needs someone. We can discuss our pain as foster carers and of course this is so important, but what about the pain of the child? A child who has gone through so much trauma, a child who has had their life ripped apart, torn from everything they know. A child who through no fault of their own, has had their life turned upside down. A child who can often believe they don’t deserve love, deserves to be shown love. So often I’ve heard people say they can’t foster because they can’t give the child away afterwards. But where does the lonely, desperate, hurting child come in all that? Love changes things. Sometimes love hurts. Love changes lives. In answer to the question – yes, it hurts so much, but the love, joy, reward and growth for that time of having the child far outweighs the pain in my heart of releasing the child. The child is worth it. Every child is worth it.
So of course, I appreciate people asking about my pain. I’m so grateful that I have amazing family and friends who check in with me and support me going through this. But more than anything I want people to hear the pain of the child. Because this isn’t about me.
Today, my oldest little fosterling moved on. She’s been with me for 10 months. My purpose wasn’t to be her forever but to provide love, stability, consistently, memories and fun whilst decisions were being made. My heart has struggled this past week during the bridging (transition) process and it definitely hurt, like really hurt, this morning when we said goodbye. But, I wouldn’t change the last 10 months. So much growth and love. I’m so proud of the boys how they are handling and managing things. They are incredible.
There is a massive need for foster carers and adopters! Please consider if you could do this. It isn’t easy, it’s hard. But, the reward is worth it.
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